If trance was a scrumptious fruit cake, language patterns would be the raisins and sultanas inside; they aren’t completely necessary but they do make the cake a whole lot tastier! Rapport, on the other hand, is much, much more. Rapport is the flour, the milk, the eggs and the sugar, without these, there is no cake; without rapport, there is no hypnosis. Rapport is so important, and so powerful that you simply have to learn it!

Rapport is the glue that binds friendship, it is the chemistry of love and, most importantly, it is the easy to learn, fascinating area of communication excellence that is going to turn you into a confident, competent and extremely successful hypnotist!

You are already a master at establishing rapport with others, every relationship you ever had began because you were able to create a state of rapport and your current circle of friends are evidence of your ability to maintain it, this is what we call ‘natural rapport’ and there are very specific reasons that we all have it. Your natural rapport only extends to a select quantity of people, meaning that, although we readily create a solid relationship with some individuals, no matter how much we work our charm on others, things simply do not seem to ‘click’. Your goal as a hypnotist is to be able to move beyond natural rapport so that you are able to establish rapport with everyone that walks through your door, quickly and seemingly naturally.

The trick to rapport building is to be like someone; because when someone perceives that you are like them, they are much more likely to like you. There are many strategies that you are able to employ that will enhance your ability to establish rapport; you should take time to learn these techniques thoroughly as there subconscious operation will vastly enhance your success as a hypnotist.

We are going to begin with some simple techniques that you can start practicing right away. Firstly, I want you to notice your breathing, pay close attention to the movement of your chest as you breathe. Notice your natural breathing rhythm. Just for a few moments, watch as your chest gentle rises and falls as you breathe, with little or no conscious effort on your part. This is an automatic cycle of which we are, usually, consciously unaware. You are able to use this subconscious activity to establish a very basic level of rapport with the client by simply matching your breathing cycle to theirs. To do this, spend a few moments observing someone’s breathing pattern just as you have been your own, then adjust your breathing until it complements theirs. Sit quietly breathing in sync for a few minutes to establish a state of rapport. From here you are able to gradually reduce your breathing rate and, if the level of rapport is strong enough, they will naturally follow. This process is called ‘pacing and leading’ and is a very simple yet powerful tool that you can use to alter someone’s state.

If you practice synchronizing your breathing to others as often as possible it will very quickly become an automatic skill, leaving you to focus on other areas. Daily life is filled with opportunity for practice, the train or bus to work can be a playground of experience if you make good use of it. Practice synchronizing your breathing to the person sitting next to you, or perhaps someone at the other end of the carriage. This not only develops your ability to establish rapport, it also improves your observational skills. However, a cautionary word of warning! Although the easiest way to see another’s breathing pattern is to watch the rise and fall of their chest, people are usually not too happy about strangers staring at them, especially there! Instead of looking directly, make use of your peripheral vision. You are not limited to practicing on strangers, you could just as easily practice on your family while sitting down to dinner or watching TV.

The second step is to notice the breathing and link it to something else. Just as before I want you to begin by practicing this alone then try it out in the real world. First, you may like to rest you hand in your lap and slowly raise and lower your index finger in sync with your breathing pattern. Do this for at least two minutes, and then consciously slow down the rate of your finger movements without altering your breathing. You will probably notice that this feels out of sync, and you will feel compelled to either return the movements to their previous tempo or reduce your breathing rate to re-establish synchronicity. The same thing happens when you try this with others, enabling you to lead them to a more relaxed state. Try it.

The next association that I would like you to establish is to link the rhythm of breathing to the rhythm of speech. This is the part where you begin to realize why most hypnotists sound a little peculiar when they speak. Speech has a very natural rhythm that makes what we are saying sound much more interesting. In normal circumstances, this rhythm is dictated by the content of the speech, the grammar, the enthusiasm of the speaker, whether the words spoken form a statement or question etc. During hypnotic induction this rhythm is dictated by the clients breathing cycle. This means that, as a hypnotist, you will need to fit your tonality to your clients breathing, so, as their chest rises, raise your pitch, and as it falls, lower it. Practice adjusting your speech… so that it complements your breathing. It will probably help… to have many pauses… that can be synchronised… to the natural pauses… between, each… and every breath.

When you are able to pace your client’s current state you establish a connection that binds you, this is subconsciously noticed by your client and automatically accepted. On a conscious level, they will simply feel as though you are the kind of person that is easy to get along with, as they will be unaware that you have artificially manipulated the situation to establish the bond. Once this connection is established, if you change your state, their subconscious mind will try to maintain the harmony and, as a result, will change theirs. However, if the change is too sudden or great, you are likely to break the bond and they will not follow. When this happens simply go back to pacing their current state for a few minutes and then make a more gradual transition. It is particularly useful to be able to control your clients breathing in this way as they will natural become more relaxed as their breathing deepens. Relaxation is one of the key elements of trance and these subtle changes will increase the effectiveness of the entire process.

As well as matching subtle cycles in your client, such as breathing, you should also make a conscious effort to compliment their body language. This can be used in a similar way to the previous examples, to lead your client to a more desirable state. The best and most enjoyable way to learn about body language is to see it in action. Everywhere that people interact you are able to see demonstrations of body language that will assist your studies; one of the most interesting areas to observe is flirtation. To a learned observer the bodily communications of attraction are obvious; some interesting examples to look out for are couples that seem to mirror each others movements. This could be a first encounter at a club or perhaps a couple enjoying each others company in a café. Practise people watching at a comfortable distance and, using body language alone; determine the level of rapport that exists between the people that you are observing. This practise will help you to develop observational skills that will increase your effectiveness at recognising when you are out of rapport with your client, enabling you to make necessary adjustments when required. If you watch an exchange where people are out of rapport you will see defensive body postures such as crossed arms or legs that act as barriers. Other examples that can be seen during such exchanges may demonstrate ones desire to leave the encounter, look out for people turning away from the communication or pointing their feet away, as though indicating where they would rather be. When reading a person’s body language you should take the whole situation into account, crossed arms are not always a barrier, sometimes they are due to cold weather or simply comfort. I once had a client that was self conscious about her weight, she folded her arms across her front to try and hide herself from others, this illustrates that there could always be something more going on and you should take the whole body into account when reading someone’s non-verbal communication. The more practice you have observing people, the more finely tuned your abilities will become. Milton Erickson was very well respected as the greatest hypnotherapist of our time and he often talked about how he loved to play at people watching as a child. Recognizing where someone is, knowing where they need to go and closing the gap is the purpose of all therapy, and developing your observational skills will help you to close that gap much more effectively. Noticing the client’s state and knowing what needs to be done in order to deepen it will bring about a profound state of trance.

When you witness the non-verbal communication between two individuals that have established a solid sense of rapport you will notice the extent of the harmony and balance in their gestures and postures. Their movements almost mirror one another in a graceful dance of appreciation. This connection is usually very obvious, such as both people taking a drink at the same time or simultaneously shifting to the same position. This, rather blatant, mimicry is called matching. You will also notice a more subtle form of matching called cross-over matching, this is where one action is complimented with another of a different type, for example, one person may rub their cheek every time another takes a drink. Cross-over matching is less common in natural rapport, but it is extremely useful when pacing and leading someone to a desired state. You can increase the level of rapport with your client by subtly matching their body position and gesture frequency without being too obvious, the trick is to not let them consciously notice what you are doing, if you were to copy each movement in an obvious fashion, they would very quickly become annoyed or embarrassed; not very productive states for trance work!

As you are probably beginning to notice, a successful induction has many elements. To try and consciously control every area of trance during the induction is very difficult as your conscious mind can only focus on a few areas at any one time. It is much more productive to elicit the assistance of your subconscious mind. The way you do this is to practice each area until it just happens automatically. Your subconscious mind will take heed of your practice and gladly take over the task of gaining rapport once it realizes that is your intention.